he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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