Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
