he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
