please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
NoShamevember. You game?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
