i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
