i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
