What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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