honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
