marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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