cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
