True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
