I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you never un-have a 4some
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize