I am in a vortex of obligation.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my liver is dry heaving
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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