Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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