Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
did i just pee glitter
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
