she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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