it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
