shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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