My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
