dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
