Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm experimenting with sincerity
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