He felt like a one man threesome
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
