I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
