They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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