My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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