what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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