Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize