I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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