I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
