Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
