my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
