so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize