haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
