I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
