she woke up with a sticky ear
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
