I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
