What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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