textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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