it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
