i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
