M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Houston, we have a squirter
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
