If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
