my mouth tastes like poor choices
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize