I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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