Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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