Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
