all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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