Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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