He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
