My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
