Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
this hospital has no fireball
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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