check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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