You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
