he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
