You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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