I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
