Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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