If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
