Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
