There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
