im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you win again, gameday.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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