You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
