I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
