she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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