I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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