I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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