We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
