Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
