I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
