I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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