My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
